Paths

It has been over a year since I have written in my blog and in over a year has given me much insight for not only how I write but also how I view life itself. As time has passed I've often wondered if I should revisit and begin anew once again but over and over have found myself reluctant. Today, however; I found my missing desire, my lack of gumption and my discouragement over-ruled by the passion to do the one thing I have most talent in. 
This blog has been a big challenge for me. For over the years I have not had a clue of what I should or should not write about. As I went back just moments ago to look at the posts that have been sitting there for over a year I debated on whether or not I should delete them and begin new for the third time..but I hesitated. These past blogs are a part of me that I have chosen to share with those who wish to read them. Just as I can no sooner erase my past I should no sooner erase the words that I felt to be so important then either!
The question was then, "what on earth is my blog going to be about?", and after a few minutes of thought I have decided, it can not be about any ONE thing. Choosing to pick one subject to base my blog around would be as though asking me to choose any one star in the sky to be mine, impossible. So here it is, this blog is dedicated to being all about life. All of the ups and downs and in-between's. I won't make myself blog within a dictated amount of time, no deadlines, no disappointments. Rather I'll use my blog for sharing anything I feel like, whenever I feel like, no rules. So I begin with today's blog sharing what is most on my mind and of up-most importance to me, My Family!
Almost two years ago I thought I would never see the day where I had my own family. My life could be easily compared to that of a tsunami disaster where my friends and family members were left as FEMA and RedCross to help clean up the destruction. My life had been disillusioned. I'd been under the belief that I knew where my life was going and what path I had taken and I was skipping down that path giddily and I kept going on my happy little way in perfect little life until suddenly..I hit the brick wall, face first,no warning. Say whatever you please about pain, but the pain of heart break and betrayal  I believe to be the utmost painful.
The truth is, I was young. I was naive. I thought I had given every ounce of love to someone who had given his every ounce back and it turned out that he just hadn't. Everything that I had come to build my life around, the person I'd come build my life around had walked away, the person who had vowed to be strength in weakness. As the lies and secrets and betrayal of the person that I had held so highly upon a pedestal in my mind revealed, so too did the notion that I, Naomi, had not a clue as to the person I was without him. Who was the girl who looked back at me in the mirror?
What kind of music did I like? What was my favorite T.V. show? Did I even like my hair this way? What did I believe in? Where would my life go now? Who was I without that (boy) I'd made the center of my universe?
Standing on my own two feet was most challenging, but when I finally did it was also the most liberating. I realized that I had been doing everything on my own the whole time as it was, there just wasn't another body there for me to lean on in my insecurities. 
What does any of this ^ have to do with me having a family? Good question!
I thought that because I had given everything my all at so young that I was a wasted case. No one would want me now after having been a wife and failed(so I thought at the time). And let me tell you, dating can be fun and..it can be a big difficult mess too. I had some good ones and some bad ones and I'm willing to admit that in many ways I was not ready to get back in the dating world although I already had. I learned a lot of things from different people but what I learned most I learned from the man I KNOW I will love for the rest of my life.
Seth Wood.
Not to discredit my family and friends who undoubtedly helped me get out of bed in the morning and stay in school and held me when I cried hysterically, because without them I also would not be where I am today.
Seth and I had talked little before my divorce, due to shyness I suppose and perhaps for both of us but there had always been something about him that seemed to scream (Trustworthy) and (Understanding). If he had not become my friend during this time I don't know what I would have done. In all my life there has never been someone who understands me more than I understand myself and who has just listened without heeding advice. His honesty was refreshing and the things he has taught me have been most helpful. I loved him as a friend and fell in love with him soon after and continue to fall in love with him anew each day that we have together. My relationship with Seth has been a true testimony of what love between two people is and what the past, (that I had so much invested in) should have been. We are by no means a perfect couple but I believe we have perfect moments and I relish those moments as well as the bad because I know they make us stronger.
Seth made me see myself for who I was during that disastrous time. Rather than focusing on who I should be or what I didn't know to be he made me see who I WAS and that despite baggage and a broken heart that I was a beautiful and STRONG woman that was standing on her own two feet. 
Since then we've had our laughs and our fights. I have had trials and he's had trials but we always end up back in each others arms. And since then we've began a family that for a while I believed I'd never have. Every day I wake up thankful for these two boys  in the picture below. How they make me giggle and test my patients and love me unconditionally.
The struggle of overcoming what five years with that (boy) did to me still endures, but I WILL conquer my fears, trials and tribulations. I WILL overcome the pain and anger completely one day. Undoubtedly I am blessed and I often forget how blessed I truly am and sometimes I take for granted the things and the life that I have but I AM very grateful. I have overcome so much and undoubtedly have much more to defeat. But as I have learned everyone is human. We only have one life. And life is about living not wondering in fear.
  I write this particular blog today for young women like myself. Sometimes we fall so deeply into the idea of something that we forget to take a step back and look at the reality of it first. Ad as a reminder that there are many paths in Life but that no matter which one you choose to take you will undoubtedly be lead where you are meant to be. Everything takes time you just have to be willing to give it time.

Until I write again ;0) ~Naomi