I woke up this morning in a horrible mood. Mostly due to the fact that Seth's alarm had gone off a million times since six A.M. and also partly due to the fact that our son woke up about five minutes before Seth left for work and continued to jabber loudly in his bed until I crawled my own butt out of bed. Just so there is no confusion, Seth and I share a bedroom with our son. It's tight, small, close, miniscule, crammed and often inconvenient, but we make it work. Well this morning I woke with enough frustration to supply a Hippopotamus with a small rage to charge innocent civilians down and pummel them into the ground. Okay, so I wasn't just frustrated, I was angry.
Since I can remember I have not been a morning person. Despite my biggest efforts I have never been able to be one of those smiling; light and fluffy, sunshine and butterflies, the sun is my morning bestie, type of morning people. I like the evenings and nights, love them even! I love that everything feels alive at night. I love the moon and the stars and how it feels like everything just slows down and like there is so much to discover. I always have more creative juices when it's late because my mind is working faster and more efficiently at night. I am the epitome of a night owl.
This wouldn't be a bad thing if I had a child that liked to sleep until nine A.M. but needless to say my son likes to wake up early. He likes mornings and has since he was tiny. He's always smiling and happy and refreshed. I seriously envy him. I have tried to be that happy, good morning with nothing but smiles type of mom but I have found it requires at least a half a cup of coffee before I reach that point. I guess that normally that is okay, but this morning didn't really go that way.
From the moment we were out of bed, Lane, wanted to get into everything he wasn't supposed to. My son likes to test me and see how far he can push me, this he gets entirely from his dad, and regardless of the word 'no', he will continue until I meet a breaking point. I have shouted one too many times today if I'm really honest with myself. I don't like shouting. In fact I quite hate it, but I think that my Scottish/Irish temper gets the best of me sometimes and it just comes pouring out. I always regret my shouting and explain to my son why I got so upset and that I'm sorry I shouted but that he needs to listen in the future to avoid such things.
In truth I probably just woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning because from there on out everything was irritating me.
My low calorie, low carb, low-fat diet probably isn't helping to improve my mood. If you know me, you know that I love food but all the bad stuff like pasta and rice and potatoes and above all, chocolate. I have deprived myself of chocolate for two weeks now. Trust me, this is a huge accomplishment. I ALWAYS have chocolate of some shape or form in the house, it is truly like a drug for me. Some people are addicted to smoking or chewing or even great things like working out, me, I am addicted to chocolate. Chocolate, in comparison, is my cigarette to a smoker. I feel like I need it to function completely or to breathe, literally just talking about it right now is giving me a feeling of anxiety and desperate need to have a piece.
I know, you're probably thinking(how pathetic), but there is a reason for this madness. Chocolate releases serotonin and serotonin is a neurotransmitter and in a round about way of scientific words this means that chocolate literally improves mood. There have been studies done that suggest that chocolate has the ability to give you the kind of high and emotional response one might experience while smoking cannabis. Not even kidding! I don't know if I would go as far as to believe that but lets just say that chocolate addiction is real. It's not just something people say because they love chocolate. I mean yes, obviously, I love chocolate; however, I recognize this as being a true addiction and problem.
I bought a couple of builder bars yesterday that have chocolate in them and despite the fact that these usually taste like cardboard, it was probably the best thing I have tasted in weeks. Instantly my mood improved. I have the other half of that builder bar sitting on my shelf and all day I have denied myself the pleasure of consuming it. Why? Because will-power is what is going to get me over this ridiculous addiction and if I can't say no to it when it is right in front of me then I will forever have a problem.
So back to my mood. . .The above is a pretty decent explanation to my Grinch-like behavior today. I literally have wanted to just piss and moan about everything in existence from the moment I woke up.
Well something else triggered my irritation this morning that should be shared. I am a part of this local website, via facebook, where you can go and sell items or buy them from your local community. It's a great site really and every now and then you get people asking for advice or help or suggestions from people who have lived here longer than us 'New-comers'. Well recently there has been a lot of activity with 'Go Fund Me' pages and in case you don't know what that is, here is an explanation: A go fund me page is a personal ad put out by someone in need of financial help for whatever reason. There is an amount of money they need/desire to raise for a specific cause and people can willingly donate to that cause if they so desire.
Well recently a young woman in our community has been posting a go fund me link for her dog that needs hip surgery and many people were very kind and donated to the cause. At some point the woman commented about he trash all over the valley and stirred up a lot of drama on the page. I understand that this was completely unnecessary for this site but she's only human and humans make mistakes. Well today I was browsing the site and noticed that this woman had posted her go fund me page once again. In the caption she explained that their camp trailer, (that they are living in), flooded while they were away and that the remainder of the money they had saved up out of their own pocket for their dog's surgery would have to go toward fixing the trailer. She kindly asked for help in continuing to raise money for her dog and graciously thanked everyone who had already supported them thus far. Well it would seem that people were pretty upset by this because the comments that followed were completely negative and rude and uncalled for in my opinion.
Firstly I know what it means to struggle and have one thing after another hit you and bring you down to a level where you feel like you aren't worth a hoot. And while I disagree with some of the things that she had previously posted on the site, I could not understand why people would take the time out of their day to viciously attack some poor girl clearly struggling and just kindly asking for help. I was furious! It's one thing to struggle but its another to recognize when you need help and be humble enough to ask for it! It blew my mind that people would be so rude and inconsiderate of everything she was dealing with. But then, that's life isn't it?
People don't listen to a full story or get all of the information before exploding. They don't wait to think about all of the factors involved and it's disheartening to realize that this is the kind of world we live in, one that is full of false accusation and finger pointing.
I realized that this was a lesson for me today because I often get angry about things before I really think about the 'whys and how's' of it all. I got mad at Lane today because he kept dragging all of the clothes out of the laundry basket. Thinking back on it I wish I hadn't gotten mad at all. I realize now that my mood was being affected by my lack of sleep and chocolate and that I essentially let loose my frustrations on my son who was only trying to play with our dog and put a blanket on himself and her via dirty laundry. I should have recognized that this was him being creative and using his imagination and being kind by sharing, but I didn't. Much like those women on the sale site I let my frustrations out on someone who wasn't deserving because I hadn't taken the time to properly look at the situation from a different perspective.
My point today is that we each have the power to change our perspective every day and in every situation. We can look at the morning like a complete inconvenience and be a complete Scrooge all day or we can choose to be happy that we are awake and alive for a new day with a new adventure. We can choose to see someone as negative and needy and an inconvenience or we can try and understand where they are coming from and what they might be going through. We can see our children making a mess and get angry or we can try and see the mess from their perspective as a creative and kind gesture. We can see an addiction as in inconvenience and habit we wont ever kick or we can look at it as a test of our ability to say 'no' and have a stronger will-power. Perspective is everything.
So from here on out I am going to will myself to have a different perspective. I am going to try and see things through multiple view points before I am quick to judge or quick to anger. And when I wake up in the morning feeling grouchy I am going to recognize that the day is new and that I have a happy healthy family and I am blessed to wake up to a happy smiling face.
For the rest of today I am going to will myself to be in a better mood and delight in all that the day has to offer, starting by working out and then getting to relax while my son takes his nap. I wont say I hate working out because in another perspective I love it because I love the way I feel afterward and the rewards it has to offer.
"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." -Abraham Lincoln
Proverbs 14:29
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
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